i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I still have a little drunk in my system
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
