Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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