I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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