I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
