I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize