theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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