i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
