i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize