She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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