chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Barsexuality is the new black.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
All I want is dick and wine.
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