thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
