My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
