Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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