Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
We had sex on a dog bed..
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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