Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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