Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
