I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
