Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I am available for nakedness
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
