idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
