there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
