Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
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