you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
