Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
