I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
