Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
