I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
