He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
