Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize