Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
