K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
