well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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