I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
