Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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