needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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