THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Randomize
