he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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