At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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