What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
