I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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