hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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