as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
