the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
