I can't watch pbs sober anymore
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
