My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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