And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Randomize
