So drunk, too bad you don't want this
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Randomize
