I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
