Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize