Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
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