It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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