that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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