I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
