I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Found the puke drawer
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
