return my video game
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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