Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
