I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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