some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i came on her dog
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
