Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize