she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
