I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize