you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
