Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
