I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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