You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
