Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
