Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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