K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Never joke about your clitoris.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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