Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
