So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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