well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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