FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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