why didn't you poke me back
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
