Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
