Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
