If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
