I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
