The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
