and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize