Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
