Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize