and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
