he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
