I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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