I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
