Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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