it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
