Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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