im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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