i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
