somebody snuck up and got me drunk
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
