Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
