Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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