It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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