Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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