I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
