Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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