You smell like stripper and shame
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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