There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
