You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
