Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
