Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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