Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
