i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
