I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
