I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
